im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
