After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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