Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
