i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
