No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
