Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize