How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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