Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
