If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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