Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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