so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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