like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
