We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you would pick up someone in the library
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize