Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
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Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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