do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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