i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
