She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
