Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
