just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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