moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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