He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
