He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
