The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
