I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
well most of my day revolves around power hour
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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