As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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