I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
