I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
