dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize