we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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