Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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