Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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