The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
