Soap is not a condiment
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
