I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
