I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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