remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
