i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
