Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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