i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
