Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
