Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
