I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
