I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
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Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
porn star boner night. come get it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
BRING THE BAGELS
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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