remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
