Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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