Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't trust your balls anymore.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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