Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
