Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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