He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
