I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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