you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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