Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
