Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm gonna fight the coyote
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
