1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
