just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
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he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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