I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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