She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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