White coat. Heels.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
