I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
