It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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