he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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