I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
