just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
